As parents, we tend to resolve our children’s problems. It’s our instinct to protect them. But experts say that “skipping” a crisis doesn’t help young people develop into individuals capable of handling their own conflicts.

This can happen not only because parents feel the need to shield them from problems, but also because teenagers find it difficult to ask for help, and this inaction can be frustrating.

The truth is that although they’ve grown physically and look like adults, teenagers still don’t have all the life tools to understand many things—and parents are their first line of help.

How do you teach them to ask for help without them thinking it’s a sign of weakness? How do we switch from “fix” mode to “support” mode?

Here are five tips from family relationship specialists to handle these often‑emotional learning moments:

Act like a coach. Ask questions instead of offering solutions. This allows your teen to be part of the problem‑solving process. For example, if your teen has a conflict with one of their teachers, ask them questions that they can answer, like: “what would be the next step that would make you feel better?” “Why do you think this conflict started?”

Give your teen ideas to start a conversation and teach them how to ask for help. In the United States, there is a lot of emphasis on the student being their “own advocate”—meaning that they have to be able to explain what happened and even confront the teacher if they think they’ve been unfair. This same situation can be repeated in other areas of life. Some possible phrases are: “I’m sorry, I think I misunderstood you...”; “That explanation isn’t very clear to me...”; “I think I lost something while I was taking notes...”

Teach your teen that they are their own authority. Teens often tend to follow others’ ideas, even if they aren’t good ones, without thinking about the risks. The need to “belong” is stronger than the alarm signal. Discussing options for getting out of an unsafe situation or away from friends who are not good for them can help reaffirm their self‑confidence.

Help is a personal and social necessity. Your teen believes that they should do everything by themself and that admitting that they need help is a sign of weakness. Delicately remind them that no one is perfect. Perfection is unrealistic, and seeking it will predispose them to failure. Getting help prepares them for success. Help them see asking for help as a sign of strength. In reality, asking for help is an act of bravery. This knowledge will come in handy often throughout their life.

We all need support. Asking for help goes beyond homework; it’s also about emotional growth. When parents encourage their teens to seek help, they are helping them develop essential emotional intelligence skills that they can use in all areas of life.

Teens with solid emotional intelligence gain the ability to consider other viewpoints, experiences, and emotions. They can then use this information to better understand why people act the way they do.